Fools garden
Four weeks ago I planted a lemon seed. I had scavenged a particularly nice lemon from the supermarket, and I decided to take some of its seeds and put them in a pot. The thought of starting a project that would take years before it bears fruit was appealing to me. Now that I look back to that moment four weeks later, I realize it was foreshadowing something within me.
My house plants take on a role that is similar to that of a miner’s canary, when I am not feeling well, my plants suffer with me. Three years ago I was depressed, went through therapy and came out almost on top on the other side. Sadly, most of my plants did not make it through that process.
Recovering from depression takes time, the more depressed you are the less you want to do something about it. Breaking this cycle is hard and requires re-learning behaviors and thought patterns. In my case, I had to hit rock bottom before I was able to make a change. Rebuilding from the lowest point in my life. Just like growing a lemon tree you must tend to your mental health, stay hydrated, get some sun and trim away the bad leaves/thoughts.
I planted that seed just before I was going to hit rock bottom again, as if my subconscious knew it was going to happen before I did. The truth is that I have not been tending to my inner self. Now I am burned out, more depressed than ever, I have trouble finding words when I speak. And most of all I am tired, tired of feeling like shit, tired that the answer to the question "How are you?" is never "Great!".
Thankfully rock bottom has a little bounce, once you're low as you can be the only way is up. I found the courage to schedule an appointment with a therapist, I have taken time off work, and I wrote this post.
And to top it all off, my lemon seed has sprouted.
